This is Where The Healing Begins

 Hello everyone,

Howdy hey! It's been a minute.

My favorite self spoken:

- Be who God made you to be

- Love God and Love People

- You can forgive someone and yet not want anything to do with them

-  Forgiveness does not require reconnection

- Abuse is not okay in any shape or form, we should be kind, loving, respectful to others no matter what

- Be Choosy 

After a couple years of having something die that I could have never imagined I would live through or tolerate for a long time. Here I am. 2 years of singleness, 36 books or so, counseling, rehashing through things. Praise God we are never alone.

I was in an abusive situation and thankfully God took the blinders off my eyes and put wise people in my life and woke me up to understand the pain and abuse verbal, financial, controlling, I was living in, tolerating, forgiving daily and living in and also exposing my children to daily.

To where I rebuilt my life, took a season of an intensive with the Lord, cut off, pruned a lot of things, and God always brings new things, opens new doors, and brings new chapters. Can anyone say amen? 

As a social work major, I have went through my family's history, and knew what I didn't want to do. But I didn't realize the intricacy of the puzzle to put up preventative measures or awareness of things that were happening. This time this was my turn to hash away my own decisions and issues I had sat in for many years. 

It was embarrassing and shameful to share with trusted friends/family what I had been going through, but my pride had hid this during the years this was happening. The pride to keep up a facade. 

At 34 now and years of healing and rehashing life lessons. As someone who rarely dated, had never said I love you, had saved myself or tried to save myself for marriage. I'm here today to say I am not perfect. Thank the Lord for His grace and love regardless of my own shortcomings, unwise choices. Going through a divorce, being a single mom. Even waking up my other things from my unhealthy dependency on other people/family. 

At 33 I finally took ownership and God healed me, revealed, rewound, restrung my heart. To remember to hear God's voice. To be led by God is different than hearing 20 - 30 voices of reason. It's to submit everything to the Lord, hear people's voices (trusted few that have stood a test through time and their own lives speak testimony to this). Finally, be at a peaceful place where I could hear God's voice and step with Him to do things, take actions, reflect. 

To where now, I'm far from perfect and have my own shortcomings but living in a peaceful please where it's the Lord and I. I love others but remember that I'm walking a journey with the Lord and sometimes its flawless, sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I have shortcomings. Sometimes I have to reread my Boundaries books and remember to protect the life God has blessed me with. To read and remember people pleasing is a thing of the past but sometimes when you go through constant tearing down of verbal abuse and to stand up, if someone says something that hurts my feelings that I can walk away, I do not have to take negativity, put downs, controlling, etc. 

I'm thankful for each lesson I've went through in life to have people in my life to speak truth, prayer, and be with me each step. I am thankful my kids get to live in freedom, joy, and the Lord's presence in our house. I'm thankful to not have drama and to have God's harmony running through my veins and life. I am thankful for healing, new chapters, and blessings. 

God is faithful in every season. Cheers to a new chapter of working, God's provision, a wonderful boyfriend who loves Jesus and Ellie and Hazzie my babies. And going forward and continuing on the path God has for me :) 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you. Joel 2:25

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19